honor your father and mother

kweet: today's a fruitful day :)

my meetup with Leeza failed cause she is feeling unwell.I hope she gets better and is able to do her paper tmrw.I saw her SMS at 6 and i went back to sleep.and only woke up at 10ish.

I woke up from a funny dream.and i was deciding whether to go uni to have lunch with Su Woan since she asked the day before.i am tired of deciding.i think i waste too much time in my life contemplating, i'm just gonna do something.anything.so,forgive me,if i appear to be impulsive from here on.the funny dream makes me realised i'm never gonna be successful in rships, and no i don't just mean bgr,i mean rships.any kind of it.even friendship.so i told myself,if i cannot be successful in this area of life,i better gain back in other areas of my life.God,studies,piano,whatever,just something.

i can't decide whether to wait till my assignments are done to start revision or to start revision now. I don't know if waiting till i'm done would be wise since then i'll only be left with 11 days to my first paper. ok don't panic.chill. at least i'm finally done with my leadership essay,like one week before due date :) but then i have my history assignment to deal with,which i am working on.hence, the coffee. I'm cutting down on sleep hours. since I can't cut down on church hours, neither can i delete fren's bdays off my planner :) and we're talking abt close frens bday.for every bday that i go to,i have to justify to myself,so that i won't regret later.

when i was making coffee (my first time!), i was deciding on which cup to use..cause my Nesvita cup is too small and would not be suitable for the whole packet of coffee.so i thought of using praps' or mumsy's mug.I took a look at their mugs and I was like o.O the mugs are so used that there are stains..not from erm any residuals or what..but because the mugs have been very used. and suddenly at that moment, my heart warmed up.

I got those mugs for them as Valantine Day's present when i was..still reading Full House Stephanie.when i was 13 or 14?or 12?i remember making sure I had enough money with me (ohmygosh I can remember it's 20 something each!cause i used my saved up ang pow money!) before i purchased those mugs from Memory Lane and i got them nicely wrapped.I think 12; cause i remember I was still not allowed to go out on my own or with friends.so while they were busy looking at stuff,i sneaked away to buy those mugs.I still remember i kept checking to see if they're coming and i was hurrying the person to quickly wrap them up!

they are still using the same mugs till today.and I don't remember seeing them using any other mugs than the one i gave them.it comes in pairs and it says "To Father With Love" and "To Mother With Love", each with a poem on the mug.

i think this Christmas they would be getting new mugs :)

have a break

kweet: because i will,when i still can.

i was scared.and i think some part of me still am.but i did it.and after i did it,i told myself i'll never ever ever do something like that ever EVER again!like never!

but when i read his text message,i suddenly don't mind doing it again.even if it means having my heart like..totally out of my rib cage.

all because his postbox's door was open at 7.30 am on a Friday morn.if it was closed,i would have driven off.

and yes,i am that scared.

Therapeutic Thursdays!

kweet: blogging from my laptop *hearts* turns out it was just virus~

as much as i don't like Thursdays because most of my assignments are due on Thursday, I find that actually Thursday is the most relaxing day of the week!It's the day where i reward myself for handing in the assignment and the day where i can take a break and not feel guilty about it :)

on Tuesday, my laptop crashed. while i was chatting with Jacq working on my assignment, it restarted itself..and then i couldn't get Windows to startup.I thought i would cry or throw a fit..but I guess I was too stunned..or I was too worried abt my assignments.so i tried saving it..manage to get in Windows Safe Mode,and quickly transfer my recent assignments and thesis to the pendrive..then i texted Minyi,Su Woan and Andrew. Su Woan called me and assured me that everything would be alright and she'll loan me one of her laptops.yup my gangsta fren is also now a loan shark LOL.

so the whole day i did my part of the assignment on the PC..and i worked faster than usual cause everyone can see the PC..and i need to really be doing my assignment huhu. then i couldn't do work after 12,so i cross stitched HAHA.

Wed, Su Woan handed me her Fujitsu laptop and wee i love the laptop..thanks Su Woan!..it's user-friendly and i manage to get my work done..like 3 plus in the morn.slept at 4..woke up at 8 to get ready for uni.

Thursday.which is today.so relaxing!..listened to my sweet Minyi present her assignment on the History of Humour, then went library with her to print our assignment and to borrow DVDs, one each for ourselves, then had lunch at Lunch Box (don't ask for extra sauce!They will charge you 50 cents extra!)..then went to class to watch a documentary about individuals who are deafblind..and then off to watch The Time Traveller's Wife.today's Retail Therapy is replaced with a movie :)

TTTW is a nice story..i would finish reading the book (which is now a PDF file on my desktop-now you know where the viruses come from).i have read a bit of it..so at the beginning..is a bit boring..and i was afraid that it'll be confusing for ppl who did not read the book beforehand..why do i care abt other ppl?i dunno!i was also tired..and the movie requires a bit of thinking sometimes haha..but it's a really different love story..or not.though time travellers don't exist as time travellers,i believe in today's society they come in the form of workaholic husbands..or lovers who are there,but never there.towards the end of the movie i was crying like this Y.Y and i felt really sad after the movie.someone asked me if i can be like Clare?waiting and living with someone who disappears on me from time to time?

actually if you ask me to think abt it now,and reflect it upon my life,doing critical analysis and all,i would feel very sad..i don't know why..the pain of waiting around..you think the wait ends when they are together,but she still has to do lots of waiting even after they are together..and we live in such an uncertain world that you think some certainties would do us some good..like knowing who you'll end up with and at what age and how life would turn out to be..Clare and Henry had all that certainties..but even so,there's room for them to struggle with uncertainties.

you'll never know until it happens.you'll never know until that moment itself arrive.

today i will not do anything assignment-related!I'll catch up on my Grey's and maybe do somemore cross stitching!and then tmrw i'll go for a swim with Su Woan before i start on my assignment!why so many exclamation marks!!!

2 more months

kweet: i had to choose between crying and blogging,i chose the less destructive one.

two more months before 2010 comes.though I know I have lots in store for me in the remaining 2 months of 2009,not only assignments,revision,thesis..but also frens coming back,the many celebrations and reunions and gatherings,but seriously,i am looking forward to 2010.

with mixed feelings that is.it's like i can't wait for it to come.yet i'm afraid i would regret that time fly by too fast when i'm in 2010.there would be so many changes and new experiences in 2010!I don't know if i'm ready for all of them.

2010 would be the year i start my internship.

2010 would be the year i complete my thesis.

2010 would be the year i graduate.

2010 would be the year i start working.

2010 would be the year i start earning my own money.

2010 would be the year i go on a mission trip.

2010 would be the year i start paying for my car's petrol.

2010 would be the year i see Christine.

i have 3 more assignments and 4 more papers to go before i am done for this semester.i think i should focus on that for now.i think too much for my own good.my thoughts are way in front of my reality.

yet i can't help but think that this remaining two months is a preparation for what's in 2010.

when i think i can't love you no more

kweet: to start the day with a swim is awesome :)

i just came back from watching This Is It!i was reluctant to go at first,and if not for Momma Suet's sudden backout,I wouldn't be watching it tonight.It was awesome.well,it's more of a documentary than a movie.I'm not a huge MJ fan or whatever,but I have to give respect to someone who gives his heart in everything he does,and also to pour in so much effort and love in it..it's..awesome :)

as i was watching the documovie/movimentary (whatever..), when the Thriller song came on,i thought of Edward Kok then i felt guilty for not asking him to come along huhu it was his bday today and he had to spend the night before alone at home.why are his frens so uncool!*sniff sniff* i still remember when we were younger, and we watched Thriller on the video,Edward would be very scared and he'll cover his face with a cushion and will be almost in tears HAHA.throughout the documovie,i kept thinking of him Y.Y and how bad of a sister i am.

but but before watching the movie,i bought him Krispy Kreme donuts :) because he love donuts ever since we were younger and eating at Dunkin Donuts!and when i got home..it was exactly midnight..and i was in time and thank God i came back right at that moment cause he was about to brush his teeth and already put toothpaste on his toothbrush!I was like WAITTTT HAPPY BIRTHDAY I HAVE DONUTS!

then i attempted to give him a hug and he shoved me aside Y.Y but i know he's happy cause he offered me a bite of his donut.in contrast to last night where he did not offer me his blueberry buns *sulks*

i love my brother.and i think family is very important.it sucks that i don't know what's praps fav food when he knows my top five food for breakfast at home-chee cheong fun,siew pao,wan tan mee,wu kok and lor mai kai.(not all for one meal la!) i don't know what's mumsy's fav colour but she knows mine is blue cause in whatever she buys me,she tries to get it in that colour.okay just random thoughts i had.

Happy Bappy Birthday Edward Kok!

p.s. though you're a yr older,same rules still apply,no gfs until i get a bf :D

Tunggu Sekejap

kweet: I will click "publish post" instead of "save now" at the end of this post!

actually,even if i save this as draft,you wouldn't know,just like the many posts before this that I have saved as drafts and then later have them deleted after re-reading them *hangs head over shoulder*

I hate waiting.waiting is like the ultimate test of patience for me.I get restless waiting for lifts.I always have to have something to do while waiting.Sometimes I gave up waiting and would just take the stairs.Actually,I always have to have something to do.That's probably why I like taking brochures,especially restaurant leaflets or flyers and read them while walking in malls.I'm always on the go,so naturally,waiting is not for me!

So I must have really been delusional,or infatuated when I said I would wait for someone for five years.I don't know why I chose five years,maybe cause I was..well delusional,like I've mentioned earlier.At that point I would have told you "no,I'm very much in love","this is the one for me,I know it","he will come back for me!" (waa this last line i used to repeat it so many times that it actually makes me sound like a lunatic then i think).I was so determined when I made a personal decision to wait.for 5 years.Not only was I determined,I was also hopeful,wishful and probably a fool too.I really REALLY believe it then that in that five years period or what,that one day,he'll come back for me.

That was then.Maybe I'm better at waiting now.Maybe.I've never waited long enough for something to happen.maybe cause nothing happens when you wait!it's hard to continue to wait for something when it shows no signs of happening.but shouldn't it be this way?to see how sincere or serious or deep this thing is.probably the waiting period shows the depth of it.it's like chaining..stimulus-response-stimulus-response and dunno when will reach the end reinforcer that would terminate the chaining.the fun and torture lies in not knowing how this will go down in the end.

Then again,the 5 years waiting stint?

I didn't even make it to 5 months.what if I continue to wait till 5 years?would something happen?but then again,if he were to come back to me now in 5 seconds time,I would not accept him cause it's already a different Zeitgeist.

Sunny with a Chance of Scholarship Recipients

kweet: huihhh this week i ate Nasi lemak!*horror* bro johnnn can you see the nasi lemak here?*points at own arm*

broJohn: i can't see the nasi.

last night we had drinks at Berkat and then food at Makbul HAHA.cause Berkat couldn't give us the rotis we want.then i came home,continued my cross stitching while watching Jerry Maguire.

this morn was ahh i don't know why i hesitate and is suddenly so shy..i kept telling myself to seize the opportunity,face my fears of being rejected,and i don't want to regret later on for not doing anything..but huihhh the lady who was in charge of the scholarship ceremony thingy is not really helpful..she interrupts and takes away ppl that i approached..which really gets on my nerve.I know I have no right to expect strangers,total strangers,to help me out.cause they don't owe me anything or whatsoever.what i cannot stand is...already you are not willing to help me out,and that's fine..but pls don't make it difficult for me.

but you know what?life is good cause God is good.one person is unkind and unwilling to help.i have five others (or more) who offered to help.there's a guy who isn't a scholarship student,but he directed me to other scholarship recipients though i'm a stranger to him and he wished me all the best in my thesis!i met Marsel from peer counselling and his friend told me to go to the cafeteria and i managed to catch a lot of ppl when they were having lunch.I saw Ms Joelin who introduced me to Ronald,who would later on help me reach other scholarship recipients,sports scholarships!I met Izzat from batch 10 and he would help me collect data from his batch.I bumped into my neighbour who was at the ceremony and she has friends who are scholarship recipients too!

because we don't want the things we cannot have.

we chase after them.

the grass on the other side

kweet: Thursdays are for Retail Therapy!

when i'm caught up in assignments and stuff,there's like a lot to do and no time to blog,i have lots to say,but when I have extra time at hand,like now,I don't know what to say.or rather i forgot.and when i have time to relax and chat..everyone wants to sleep early huhu i think i shall sleep early too tonight.for i am going to see Nirms tmrw!

i really have to thank God and also the many ppl who is helping me out with my thesis..so far,everything's going on quite well,though I have yet to key in data and run analysis..but yea there's no lack of respondents,with God,there can be no lack :)

so what has happen over the week?Joash Wee came over on Tuesday and he helped me clean my laptop; arrange my desktop icons bla bla bla,delete this and that,all my games and Diner Dash,taught me how to fully utilize my FB notifications (i've disabled the email notification), forced me to go through all my friend request,invitations and whatnots,deleted IE and dwnloaded Google Chrome for me!I *heart* Google Chrome :) and it doesn't matter if it's from last century (that's what bro John said!) haha thankiu Joash Weeee.now i have no probs connecting to the Internet :)

then i was rushing for assignment on Wed, i can't remember much of it except for the fact that i got really lil sleep and instead of being cranky,i was really hyped up during the day in uni and jacq and the rest thought i've totally lost it HAHA.

today after class and all my thesis misc stuff,Su Woan,Minyi and i went for our retail therapy :) haha actually I wanted to get sandals/shoes,so they accompanied me and we walked the whole of Pyramid and instead of only me getting a pair of sandals,they both got one for themselves too.same sandals,same colour :) thanks for accompanying me..i really enjoy shopping spending time with them!

and in the midst of all there is, i managed to learn two songs,send in my therapist application form,shared a lil Gospel,did a photoshoot and WOA i just learnt how to fix my own Sony Ericsson hp!

A simple hug?

As the Head of School, Rosh Vettiveloo takes pleasure in getting to know all of our playgroup children, and she is always available to provide encouragement, offer congratulations on an achievement or even a simple hug. Her personal mission is to make a positive difference in the lives of all children at Sri Rafelsia.

A SIMPLE HUG!

i don't know why I find that very funny.

another one of Thursday dues

kweet: I should stop scratching myself.or biting my nails *stressed*

I think I have a scattered brain.I don't know if that's the right word to use..but I can be all over the places when I'm doing assignment.For example,right now,or a moment ago,I was holding lecture notes on ADHD in my hand,looking at centres online,reading an article on ADHD and LD on another webpage and thinking abt Kairos.and Russell.all at the same time.huhu how to get things done.

and how to write a report on Kairos Y.Y we visited that place like long before midsem break and all I can remember of that place is Russell.and how adorable he is.like the Russell in the Up movie.huhu.stop complaining la Cassie,sounds annoying wei.

ok i shall get back to the portfolio.i'm too slow for my own good.